Navigating Self Awareness, Difficult Conversations, and Self Efficacy in Educational Leadership
Oct 15
4 min read
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The Situation: A Leader's Tough Spot
During an all-staff meeting, just after celebrating student achievements and improved attendance rates, commending the school’s staff for their relentless hard work since COVID, the school principal thought she was wrapping up the day on a high note. But, in a stunning turn just five minutes before the meeting was done, her storybook ending was shattered by a high-maintenance teacher who voiced frustration about feeling unsupported with multilingual learners, claiming the situation was "getting worse."
Seriously? The school principal had poured countless hours into this—bringing in professional learning, coaching, and ensuring that school partners and staff had input in an action plan to address the sharp rise in non-English-speaking students. She personally visited classrooms and team meetings every week and made a point to ask teachers reflective questions and bring problems of practice to her. She didn’t stop there—she presented updates about her school’s work at monthly admin meetings, and even board of education meetings. She made extra effort to protect meeting time with team leaders, teachers, and department coordinators to ensure curriculum-instruction-assessment were all aligned, always outlining clear progress and next steps. And, as a core value she leveraged teacher voice and believed they were responsive and comfortable approaching her. And now, this?
The teacher’s comment cut like a slap in the face, completely derailing the positive vibe of the meeting. The school principal, who had worked tirelessly on this, was left feeling both angry and deeply disappointed. How could all of that effort be so easily dismissed? Had all of that work gone unnoticed?
Emotional Regulation: The First Line of Defense
Emotional regulation played a crucial role in the leader's initial response. Despite feeling a strong urge to confront the teacher publicly and defend all the work she had done to help everyone build capacity, the leader demonstrated admirable self-control by:
Recognizing their emotional state (pit in stomach, pursed lips, deep breath)
Resisting the impulse to react immediately - even though it was hard! (and she used our coaching session to vent… and then move on)
Choosing a more measured approach by letting the teacher know she would follow up with her to better understand her concerns, and did so by providing coverage and scheduling a meeting at the end of the next day. Although she contemplated waiting a few days to meet with the teacher in order to let her emotions further regulate, the principal wanted to convey that she was taking this seriously.
This display of emotional intelligence prevented a potentially damaging public confrontation and set the stage for a more productive discussion. Getting to know your internal signs of frustration, anxiety and anger isn’t easy for everyone. It takes practice, some mistakes, and a trusted confidant that can help you before you resort to the flight in “fight or flight” responses.
Crucial Conversations: Addressing the Issue
The leader's decision to schedule a private meeting the next day aligns with best practices for crucial conversations, as outlined by Patterson et al. in their seminal work "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High" (2023). Key elements of this approach include:
Creating a safe environment for dialogue
Focusing on facts rather than emotions
Seeking mutual purpose and mutual benefit
Encouraging open and honest communication
Through coaching and role playing, the principal and I practiced the tenets of crucial conversations and explored some limiting beliefs the principal held about the teacher. Although it went a long way, the principal was still frustrated by this teacher’s public challenge and lack of remorse for putting her on the spot during the staff meeting. This set stage for the principal and I to tackle her own values, expectations, and perceptions of this teacher through coaching.
Teacher Efficacy: The Underlying Concern
Through productive dialogue and questioning, I helped the principal narrow down the issue. The teacher's complaint about a lack of direction when working with multilingual learners highlighted a concern about teacher efficacy. The principal wondered if the teacher’s low sense of efficacy was connected to the perception that this teacher was high-maintenance. Together, we explored this possibility through coaching and developed clear action steps for the principal to address the situation and better support the teacher in appreciating her impact on students and reaching multilingual learners.
While the conversation between the principal and the teacher paved the way for progress, it’s clear that the principal still has considerable work ahead with the teacher. The teacher’s feelings of inadequacy in supporting multilingual learners are deeply ingrained and have become her default mindset. Changing these long-held beliefs won’t happen overnight. However, the foundation has been laid—by addressing the issue openly and setting clear steps for moving forward, the principal has empowered the teacher to shift these habits. Coaching continues to support the principal in her own capacity to empower her staff and build her confidence in leading.
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2023). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high (3rd ed.). McGraw-Hill Education.